So a few months ago my girlfriend and I took on a little side job of helping cater a pre-wedding dinner. It was in the suburbs, but the older suburbs where people have house that look like this:
Mid-century house: for when you only want a LITTLE natural light
Rich people are wild, man! They have the freakiest taste, I swear. They also tend to be concerned with things I find strange, and strangely unconcerned about things I find VERY important. Like cheese.
The dinner was catered by a taco place, but a hipster taco place so they served stuff like spicy cauliflower in Sazón. What I am trying to relate is that the tacos were merely okay, nothing to write home about. But the cheese these people had out. They had cheddar. They had bleu. They had brie. They had a creamy, tangy one that had fruit in it. These cheeses surely all cost more per pound than I could make selling my most vital organs. But they weren't just expensive, they were also delicious.
But when clean-up came, and we were packing food away, what did these people care about? The small-batch, hand-crafted ice cream in precious flavors like sage cough drop and crushed pearl? The juicy, plump fruits reserved for the fanciest suburban supermarkets? The "gourmet" popcorn someone had picked up, as an expensive afterthought? The cheese?
No. You, dear reader, already KNOW what they picked. The taco stuff. You would have thought these tacos were hand-made by Mexican grandmas artisans using non-GMO corn and humanely-blindfolded cage-free cauliflowers. But the cheese and stuff? They might as well have been like, "Hohoho! Silly peasant. My dog eats better cheese than that!"
Classic rich person
Well, friends, thanks to Aldi NO LONGER will fancy cheese be the domain of the wealthy. Aldi has had fancy cheese for a while (in particular, I am partial to the one that has three different Spanish cheeses in it--it bears a cryptic warning to not eat the rind but I always do, and I look forward to the day when I find out what weird health problem I have because of that choice), but for Christmas they are stepping it up.
well, here's part of it because honestly I didn't think I was ever gonna write a blog entry again
This cranberry Wensleydale (??) cheese is so fancy it doesn't even tell you how to access it through the wax. ALDI IS NOT PLAYING WITH YOU GUYS.
It has cranberries and nuts inside, like you are a fancy lil bird! The cheese itself is pleasantly tangy, but a bit dry and crumbly.
Do you want a fancy dessert, too? May I suggest macarons, that status symbol of knowing urbanites? Buying macarons tells people that you have been to college and will happily regale them with stories from your study-abroad time in Barcelona. Buying macarons means that you have enough social capital to stand in front of people at concerts and things and turn your head a lot, thereby whipping all the people behind you in the face with your good-smelling hair. Buying macarons means you go to yoga and call everyone "babe." Now you can have all those things without actually spending $400 on cookies.
These have three nature flavors (lemon, raspberry, pistachio) and three, uh, human flavors (salted caramel, chocolate, vanilla).
bae, wig snatched, yas queen
They are all quite good with the slight exception of the chocolate one. They do not have a very almond-y flavor, as I have noticed with other macarons (yerp. College graduate right here) but the texture is really satisfying.
Now. Go forth and post these on your Instagram! Make sure you do one where you whimsically put them up in front of your eyes like, "Tee-hee, these macarons are my eyeballs!" No one will be any the wiser that these are from a grocery store with no music or bags. Probably.
